This questions comes from Since You Asked, an advice column written by Cary Tennis…
I’m a woman nearing 30, and I’m in love with a younger man. Not much younger, just 25. In most ways, I don’t notice any age difference. We have a lot in common, are both very attracted to each other, and have a loving relationship of six months.
On top of that, we have compatible…blah, blah, blah…But sometimes I feel like the relationship is doomed. The problem is that I want “the future” sooner than he does. (For the record, he started this conversation!) He can’t see himself being married for many years. I feel like I am psychologically ready for marriage, though not until I know I have the right guy. He is afraid of feeling trapped. I am afraid of a lifetime full of three-year relationships.
But do we really disagree about anything? After all, we have the same long-term goals, and we’re also happy together in the present. He’s not going to propose to me anytime soon, but I’m not asking for that level of commitment yet.
I have broken up with two former boyfriends because they didn’t want children and were therefore not potential life partners. But this is different. Is there even a problem here? Do I need to consider breaking up with him? Or am I just inventing things to worry about in an otherwise great relationship? I’d welcome your thoughts!
Ready for the Future
MY ANSWER: After six months you want to have babies with this guy? Seriously? You should see my previous post regarding bunny boilers. To the Dude she is speaking of, I say — run away. Fast. I have the idea his whole reason for bringing up the conversation was to elicit just such information…sneaky bastard. Still though, run fucking fast.
This question comes directly to The Thinker from an intrepid reader who calls himself Possible Creeper.
Editors note: I will edit letters for understanding and perhaps brevity but will never alter the content. Scout’s honor.
Question: I have been a with the same girl for a few months and are at the stage where we spend a lot of time together just hanging out. I haven’t cheated on her but I have made her suspicious because she looked through my webhistory one day. She says she looked because I always seemed to be flipping to a different screen if she walked by while I was using my computer. I was doing this. It wasn’t for any real bad reason – I like to browse facebook photos of friends of friends who have it so you can see their pics even if you aren’t friends. I spend time looking at the pics of girls. I don’t know why – I’m not masturbating to them or anything. My girl doesn’t like this and thinks I’m a creeper. When I say it out loud it does seem creepy. What do you think?
Answer: Ok, whether we guys want to admit it or not, we’ve all done this – pissed off our girlfriends by doing nothing at all whatsoever that could be thought of as wrong. That, and we’ve all surfed around Facebook looking for pictures of hotties (it’s a fact, trust me). We are hunters by evolution trapped in a gatherer world. Without semi-creepy Facebook surfing, we might have never seen the pictures of Congressional candidate Krystal Ball (whose parents must have been hoping for a stripper and/or porn star. Seriously, “Krystal Ball”).
The thing is, if you are doing it so much your girlfriend who doesn’t live with you notices, and you flip to another screen to avoid detection, then maybe your girl has a point. Are you a creeper? Well who is to say? If your keyboard and/or underwear isn’t all sticky, then you’re probably ok…for now.
PS. I know there is no mention really of sex and/or breasts, but it is implied.