Questions from Carolyn Hax

From Carolyn Hax at Seattle Pi

Dear Carolyn:

How would you explain something like this: A woman in a seemingly happy marriage to Man A says that cooking or attending big social gatherings is just not her thing. Man A is disappointed but makes his peace with it because there are other great things about their relationship.

Fifteen years in, the woman abruptly leaves Man A for Man B, and with this new man, she not only whips up incredible meals on a regular basis, but has also become the gracious, exciting social butterfly she never was with Man A. How can she now do all the things for Man B that she was never able or willing to for Man A?

— Anonymous

ANSWER: Here’s how I explain it – fucking bitch.  Bet she is skinny again too.  And had her boobs done.  And suddenly doesn’t mind swallowing.  And pays for his car using my child support.  And goes down on him in a theater.  Come on, this happens to all of us doesn’t it?  Suck it up, we did.

Hi, Carolyn!

I’m in an awkward situation that I think a lot of other readers might relate to. My parents are very deep in denial about a lot of things, from their culpability in my siblings’ and my very stormy childhood, to acknowledging some of the very difficult and stressful times we experienced later in life…BLAH BLAH BLAH (I mean honestly, why do these letter writers go on so?)I know I should just give up trying to get them to be reasonable, but it’s very hurtful to me. Help!

– De Nile, a river in Egypt

ANSWER: I told you Mom and Dad don’t like you writing to advice columnists you stupid, underachieving, lazy, good-for-nothing piece of excrement that I call a sister.  Now shut the fuck up.

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More from Prudie

More from Dear Prudence at Slate

Q. Uninvited to the Wedding: My college roommate, one of my favorite people in the world, got married about two weeks ago. I did not get an invitation. Our lives have taken us in different directions and we haven’t always kept in touch as much as I would like, but when we have gotten together it has been, I thought, just like old times. Until, that is, five years ago when I got married and moved two hours away from her… BLAH BLAH (JESUS SHUT THE FUCK UP) BLAH…I really love this friend and I am so sad to think that our friendship may be a thing of the past. What can I do to let her know how much our friendship means to me without being petty because of the un-invite?

ANSWER: Obviously she fucked your hubby. Or you hers. Or neither. Here’s the deal – you are what is clinically referred to as a “bunny boiler.” You’re a fucking psycho. Please obey the retraining order and move on to greener stalking pastures.


Our First Question

This question comes from Dear Prudence at Slate

Q. Relationships: For the last few years, I have been dating a wonderful man… BLAH BLAH BLAH…However, there’s one nagging issue I just can’t seem to let rest: My would-be husband sometimes browses the “casual encounters” section of a certain online classifieds site. I have confronted him about this, and he tells me this is like pornography for him, but titillating in a different way. I’ll confess, I’ve secretly scoured his e-mail addresses looking for evidence of infidelity, but he appears to be squeaky clean. He knows I disapprove and has apologized for betraying my trust. Half of me thinks it’s OK to look but not touch, while the other feels like he’s playing with fire. Should I set my worries aside and be thankful for this man’s many wonderful attributes, or is this a deal-breaker?

ANSWER:

This is only a deal breaker if you don’t mind testing yourself for STDs constantly, don’t want to discover a drawer full of dildos, don’t want to stumble across videos of him fucking masked men and/or women and/or sheep.  Seriously, wake the fuck up.


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